What's your deal?

A (too) soon 20 minutes later we were laying in the afterglow of our horizontal romp. As he laid watching T.V. with the attitude that he was proud of what he did, I couldn't help but STILL wonder why he wouldn't go down on me. I was really starting to take offense.. Did I smell bad or something?? On top of that, the questions of so many showers in 1 day started to really eat at me.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" I sat up but looked away from him

"Sure, what?" He never took his eyes off the T.V.

"You never did really answer me when I asked why you'd never go down"

"Yes, I did"

"No. You didn't. You said you were told growing up that oral was bad. That's all you said. You can't STILL possibly believe that.. do you? ESPECIALLY if I, or anyone else, goes down on you"

"That's different"

"How so?" By this time, I was shocked. Was this for real? Was HE for real?

"Well.. you tongue doesn't touch what guys tongues do" And he still wouldn't look at me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I looked him straight in the face.

I saw his eyes dart in my direction, but his head never turned, "You know. Your tongue doesn't actually go IN anything."

I still couldn't fully grasp what he was saying. "Are you saying you're grossed out by that? 'Cus that's what it sounds like!"

I got another eye dart, but no turn of the head and no answer. I waited (im)patiently for him to answer, but he never did. I got up, grabbed my cigarettes and walked out onto the balcony. While I smoked my cigarette, realizing it did more for me than his sex did, I wondered how I managed to always find the weird ones. There was something always wrong with the guys I dated and started to think maybe it was ME. I must have some sign on my forehead that says "Got a phobia? Date me!"

I finished my cigarette and reluctantly walked back in the room. He was still staring at the T.V., but I got the impression he wasn't really watching it. I plopped back down on the bed with an obvious sigh. Yes, it may have been childish and passive-aggressive, but I wanted him to know that he was irritating me without having to actually TELL him he was.

A few minutes past and he cleared his throat like he was going to say something, but never did. Finally, I broke the silence.

"What's your deal?"

"What do you mean..'whats my deal'?"

"Exactly what I said. What's your deal? You won't go down on me, when I ask about it, you give me some lame ass excuse. But you expect me to do it. Then you say some cryptic shit like I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck you're talking about. You've been taking 2 showers a day... WHAT! IS! YOUR! DEAALLLLL?? Did you get it that time??" O.K., I know I was being a bitch and at the end talked to him like he was some retard, but come on!! He knew damn well what the fuck I was talking about!

he laid there motionless for longer than I wanted. "Never mind! It's obvious you aren't going to talk!" I grabbed my cell phone and headed back onto the balcony. Before I had the door all the way open, he finally spoke.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me" I said as I turned back to face him and again silence. I got impatient, well more impatient and started back out.

"Wait." Long pause. "Fine, I'll tell you."

I grabbed the chair that was closest to me and sat down facing him and waited. He got up off the bed and went to his suitcase. My first thought was.. 'Jesus! I hope he isn't going to go all psycho on me and kill me or something!!' But he didn't. He pulled out hand sanitizer, flip flops, a wash cloth, soap and some wet naps. O.K... is he like some broke ass MacGyver or something??? Of course, I didn't ask that, I just sat there quietly.

"You see all of this?"

Well, DUH I'm not blind, jackass! "Yes!?"

"Well, hmmm. How do I put this. I have an issue with being clean. I can't stand to sweat. Every time I shake hands with someone I immediately have to wash my hands or use this, " he holds up the hand sanitizer, "and I can't even take a shower anywhere except at my own house without wearing these." He then holds up the flip flops.

Hmm.. O.K. So the guy is a neat freak? A germaphobe? What?

"O.K. So.. what does that mean exactly?"

"Means.. I find going down on ANYONE gross. Do you even know how unsanitary doing that is?"

Seriously?? Wooowww... Did he just insult me?

I shrugged. "Then how is it you're O.K. with me or anyone else going down on you? AND you kiss me afterwards? What's up with THAT? Do YOU know how unsanitary THAT is?"

"I try to not let it affect me, but it does anyway. Didn't you wonder why I didn't protest when you haven't been going down on me?"

"Oh, I thought you were just.. I don't know.. Too heated up to even care."

"No. It's because I was releaved that I wouldn't have to kiss you and think about my dirty dick that was just in your mouth."

"So.. taking all those showers then.. it wasn't because you've been fooling around with someone while you were gone during the day and trying to get rid of the evidence?"

He laughed. A hardy, full belly laugh. "What? Seriously? That's what you thought?"

"What did you expect me to think? All the signs were there!"

He finally sat on the bed looking a little defeated and a little releaved. I just sat there. I didn't know if I should walk to him or stay where I was. To add to more things that I was alreading wondering about, now I had to wonder if every time he touched me, kissed me or had sex with me.. was he thinking about how 'dirty' and 'germy' I was and how he couldn't wait to go wash up??