Hitting the Breaks 2

I got to my car, drove off and never looked back. I had no idea if Mr. Just breaks was gonna call and though the thought of getting down and dirty with him sounded like fun, I really didn't care either way.

My mom was out of town on work business so I told my Dad I'd meet him for dinner. I called him and told him I was on the way and we agreed to meet at the resturant. 45 minutes into our meal, my cell phone rang with a number displaying that I didn't recognize. I had debated on answering since I didn't know the number, but curiosity got the better of me. I answered just before it went to voice mail; "Hello?"

"Hi,.. umm...J?"
"Yes.....?"
"Hey, this is Mr. Just breaks...."
"OH.. Hi. What can I do for you?" I said, hiding a smirk I was thankful he couldn't see. There was silence at the other end of the phone and I had wondered if he was still there. "Hello??"
"Yea.. sorry I'm still here. I was just.. umm.. wondering..."
"Yes?"
By this time my father was giving my quizzative looks. I covered the mouth piece breifly, "It's the break place..." I said to him.
The look on my dad's face never changed, "Is there something wrong?"
"No. They'll calling to ask me to rate my experience today" That quick on my feet answer seemed to appease my father so I went back to the conversation on the phone.

"I'm sorry. I missed what you said.. can you repeat that?"
"Oh.. umm. Well, all I said was.. if you meant what you said.. would you want to meet me back here later night? To.. I don't know.. hang out and see what happens?"
I smiled again to myself, "Sure. I can do that."
"O.K... Say about 9?"
"Yep. Sounds good. Talk to you later." and I hung up.

My dad looked at me again, "What?" I asked.
"That was a short conversation for a survey" He looked a little skeptic.
"Oh.. they were having issues with their computers and asked if they could call me back."
Again, that seemed to work so I let it drop and so did he. As we were paying the bill, I checked the time. It was barely 7pm and that gave me plenty of time to run home, clean up a little bit, change out of my scrubs and into something a little more 'date-like'. My dad and I said our goodbyes and we parted ways. I rushed home to get ready and by 8:30 I was ready to go, but a little nervous. I plopped on the couch and smoked a cigarette to try to calm myself. Of course, it didn't help so I just said fuck it and left.

I arrived back at the shop at around 8:45 and noticed it was completely dark. There were no cars in the parkinglot and all the bay doors were closed. I started to wonder if I either got the wrong day, or he decided to not show. Just as I was about to back out and leave, my cell rang again.. it was the same number.
"Hello?"
"Hey. I just wanted to tell you that I pulled around back behind the building. Whenever you get here, just knock on the front door and I'll let you in."
"I'm already here. I'm in the parking lot."
"Oh O.K., I'll meet you at the door then." and we hung up.

I took another deep breath and got out of the car. Just as I rounded the corner of the building I saw him standing there holding the door open and I froze. Did I really want to do this? Yes.. I did. I looked back up to him and he had such a nice warm, welcoming smile. I walked the rest of the way to the door and he moved aside to let me in.
"Hey.. how you doin'" He asked as he shut and locked the door behind me. You could tell he was nervous too.
"I'm fine, thanks, you?" I wasn't exactly sure where to walk to or even to stand so I just stood there waiting for him to give me some direction. He walked around the desk and out into the bays, so I followed.
"J. I want to tell you somethings first. Before anything happens, if it even does."
I hate when conversations start out like that. They never seem to go well. "Sure.. what's up?"

"I'm married. With 2 kids. Her and I have been together since we were 16, got married when we were 18 and I don't plan on leaving her. I've never done anything like this before either."

I stood there contemplating all that he said. This was my chance to back out if I wanted. "Look. I'm not asking you to leave your wife. I don't want to be with you like THAT.. and if you don't want to do.. this.... we don't have to. You're the one that's married.. you tell me. I know I should probably care that you ARE married.. but I don't. So this is your choice."

He had been nursing a beer since I walked in and he took another long swig before answering. "O.K... I just wanted to tell you."
I stood there just looking at him b/c I really didn't know what that meant. Was that an O.K. yes? I didn't get my answer but instead he walked over to the little radio sitting on a tool box and turned it up. I noticed there was a back bay door and I saw his truck parked right outside. Always the cautious one (hahaha) I like to look at all the exits in case something goes wrong and I know where I can flee to quickly.
He offered me a (dirty) seat and went back to tinkering with a car. I thought to myself.. shit.. I didn't come down here to watch him work on a car.. I came here for sex damnit!
He must have been able to read my mind b/c he said, "I just want to finish putting these rotors back on then I'll clean up."

I have to admit, it was kinda welcoming that we didn't just go at it. It gave us some time to talk and get a little more comfortable around eachother. It didn't take him long to finish and he excused himself to go clean up. He reappeared shortly after looking clean, smelling good and out of those ugly dirty work clothes. Doning a fresh pair of jeans, t-shirt and boots... He smelled good and looked even better.

He walked over to me and I stood. We were standing face to face.. or rather my face to his chest cus he was so much taller than me..and he leaned down for a kiss. Normally I don't or won't kiss someone on the mouth that I'm not in an actual relationship with. Yes.. I know it's so 'Pretty Woman', but to me.. it makes sense. However, I let him kiss me breifly. His hands started to wonder and so did mine, his kisses trailed down my neck and back up to my ear. He pushed his body into mine and I could feel he was already getting hard.

"Let's go inside" he said as he began to pull me by my hand.
"No." I said as I pulled away from him and took a step back.
"No?" he asked, standing frozen in front of me.
"No. I don't want to do it in there. I want to do it out here. On this car" I said as I pointed to the car behind me.
He looked confused at first. Like I had asked him in some foreign language what the Pythagorean theorem was but the confused look quickly faded and a smile formed on those perfect full lips.

He closed the distance between us in one step. His hand went up my back, grabbing a whole handful of hair while his mouth found my neck again. Apparently he liked that idea..?
The pressure of his body pushed me back another step and I was pressed against the car. My back arched backwards so that it was resting on the hood but my legs were still by the passenger tire. The car was a little high for me, since I'm short, and though he never lost his grip, it was a little uncomfortable. I pushed back against him, forcing my body straight again. His free hand slid up my shirt and to my nipple. My hands quickly found the bulge in his jeans and I rubbed it, first with 1 hand then with both. His breathing became fast and heavy as I tried to undo his jeans.

His hand left my nipple and went down to my own jeans. He fought with my zipper and button until he was able to slide a hand inside my panties. The first touch of his fingers on my clit made me shiver and become drenched. Moving his hand further back, he inserted a finger inside me and I almost lost my balance. I began undoing his jeans and pushed them and his boxers down past his thighs. I knew he wasn't small just by feeling him outside his clothes, but when I freed him from his pants, I was shocked at his size. I still hadn't actually SEEN it, but stroking him without clothes, I knew he was thick and long. While half of me was excited and turned on from his size, the other half was a little scared. How was THAT gonna fit in ME?

He must have noticed something because he pulled away and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing.. I just.. didn't expect.. you to be so.. big"
He chuckled and moved back towards me. I continued to stroke him and found that he was growing bigger and thicker in my hands. During this time, he found that perfect spot to make me cum. I moan, twitched and wiggled against him. When I calmed down enough I pulled his hand away, turned him so that he was leaning against the car and dropped to my knees. I had to find out just how big he really was.

Kneeling in front of him, I took his hard dick in my hands and stroked him slowly. I licked from base to tip in 1 solid movement, stopping at the head to lick around it. I looked up at him and his head was back and his eyes were closed. I attempted to insert him in my mouth, but because of his thickness I could only get the head and just little of the shaft in. Wrapping both hands around his shaft, (yes, it took both hands.. 1 near the base and 1 closer to the head) I licked and sucked. My jaw began to hurt soon after so I didn't stay there long. Alternating between sucking him and stroking him, licking him up and down the shaft, I knew he wasn't going to grow any more which I was thankful for.

I eased away and got back to my feet. He grabbed my hand and led me to the front of the car. Facing the hood, he bent me over the hood so that my chest was flat against the hard metal. He pulled my shirt up and as he began kissing and licking my back I felt his dick pressed hard against my ass. I wiggled underneath him, rubbing my ass against his hardness. In 1 fluid motion, he grabbed the sides of my pants and panties and jerked them down to my ankles. Without missing a beat, I felt him begin to enter me. Yes, I was soaking wet.. but he was huge and as only the head was in it was already starting to hurt a little. But it was a good pain.. that hurt so good feeling. My back arched as he pushed further inside me. It felt like he was going to split me in 2!!

Hitting the breaks

I had left work on a Friday afternoon and realized I had been putting off getting my breaks replaced. It was barely past noon and on my way home, I noticed there was a 'Just Breaks' place on my way. I turned in there and walked inside. The first thing I noticed was the gentleman seated behind the desk. He was tall, dark and oh so very handsome. Standing at about 6ft, maybe taller, with dark mocha skin and a lean muscular body... he was definitely something to notice. I approached the counter and explained that I needed my breaks looked at, possibly replaced. He introduced himself and said he'd like to look at the car in the parking lot before pulling it into the bay. We walked outside to my vehicle as he introduced himself and informed me that he was the Assistant Manager of the place.

After giving my car a once over, he said they'd be pulling it into 1 of the bays shortly and it shouldn't take very long. We walked back inside, finished giving him all my information and I took a seat in the little waiting area. By 3pm, I was starting to get impatient. Mr. Just Breaks said it wouldn't take very long and here it had been almost 3 hours. I walked back up to the counter and inquired what the hold up was. He informed me that the breaks I needed for my car they didn't have in stock and they were waiting for them to arrive. I asked how much longer, he said he had no idea but would call the driver to find out and let me know. I went outside for a cigarette and made a few phone calls. When I was finished, I went back inside as he was hanging up the phone.

"I just talked to the driver. He's stuck in traffic and said he should be here in about 20 minutes."
My impatience showed through my exagerated sigh and I went back to my seat to wait. I waited.. and waited and waited some more. By 5pm, I was out of patience and was really ready to kick someone's ass. I walked back up to the counter and said.. as I raised my voice, "Who in the hell do I have to fuck to get my fucking car done???"

Mr. Just breaks snapped his head up and tried to hide the smile forming on his lips. "Ma'am.. I'm really sorry. They're trying to get them back on right now. They just had a few issues with your breaks and rotors. It really shouldn't be much longer."

Had I not been so livid, I would have apprecited his smile. But I was so I stormed back off to go back outside and smoke. On my way back in, I see the sign on the door that says they close at 5:30. I thought to myself.. there's no way in hell any of them are leaving until my car gets done!! I don't give a shit! This is bullshit!!

I swung open the door to find the lobby was empty of all customers and the only person inside was Mr. Just breaks. As I walked back to my seat, he gave me a smile that was less an apology and more of that he was thinking about what I had said to him earlier. I ignored his flirtatous smile and sulked in my seat. Yes, he was hot.. but damn it! I was mad!

5:45 he called me up to the counter to tell me my car was ready. As I approached, I noticed him and I were the only 2 people left. All the workers had already went home and the only 2 cars in the parking lot were mine and his.

"You're car is finally finished. I'm really sorry it took so long. Because of that, I've discounted your bill and only charged you for the labor." He said with another flirty smile.

How could I still be mad at that? How could I still be mad looking at that big bright smile, thinking about how it would feel to kiss those full lips? Not to mention that my bill went down from $400 to $150? I took a deep breath and returned his smile with a thank you. He offered his hand to shake, I paid my bill, collected my things and was on my way. As I reached the door, he called out to me; "Ma'am.. or can I call you J?"

"J's fine. What's up?"

"Where you serious when you asked... well.. when you asked what you asked earlier?"

I couldn't help but smile at that. When I said it.. I had said it out of anger.. but standing there looking at him I realized... yes.. I did mean it. But only if it was him.

My smile broadened and I thought about my words carefully before I responded. "Depeneds on who it is."

"Hmm.. well.. what if it were me?"

I turned away from the door, walked back to the counter and stood there without saying anything. Neither of us said a word but instead just looked at each other. I reached down to my paperwork that was still on the desk and saw that my cell phone number was indeed on there.

"Well.. only 1 way to find out. You got my number now.." and with that I walked out leaving him standing there wondering if I really was serious or not.

Update

First let me say I'm soooo sooo sorry for just up and leaving without a word since. I really have no excuse other than I just didn't feel like posting. As you guys know, I had some health issues going on and after that.. well.. I just didn't feel like doing anything. Especially posts. But! I have an update!! :)

I returned to my Dr. for a 6wks check up of my heart. He listened intently.. then listen some more. He pulled away with a puzzled look on his face.

"What's wrong now, Doc?" I asked

"I can't hear it. I can't hear it at all. I know it was there last time. Mary.. come listen to see if you can hear it. You did hear it last time, right?"

Mary the nurse took her turn listening to my heart and she as well couldn't hear the tale-tell sounds of the thump, thump, click. They both looked at each other with WTF faces.

"J, do you have time to do an EKG while you're here? I want to make sure it's really gone."

I did have the time. Hell, even if I didn't have the time, I'd make time because I wanted to know! 45 minutes later they were unhooking the leads and sent me back to the exam room. The Dr. came in shortly after half smiling, half still confused.

"J. I swear I heard it the last time you were here. Mary heard it... I'm not going crazy. It really was there. But your EKG is perfect. So, I don't know what happened, but your heart is healthy with no signs of a mitral valve prolapse. Maybe it was just the meds you were on, but whatever it was.. it's gone now. Congrats!!" he smiled as he hugged me. I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding and though really confused of how it just 'went away', I was happy with the news.

Of course my mom went with me to this appointment too so as soon as I was back in the lobby, she wasted no time in asking me. "SO! What did he say? You were back there for ever!" I smiled, told her what happened and she I think she was more excited that I was I think. As we walked out the door and into the parking lot she looked over at me and said, "Your Dad and I have been praying that He would fix this as since you found out. Looks like He did."

Now, I'm SOOOO not a religious person. I don't go to Church, though my parents do. I don't have any desire to go to Church. I have my own issues with Church which is another post of another time lol. But, as I walked to the car I thought about what my mom said... hey.. maybe the 'power of prayer' really does work? I honestly don't know. All I do know is that 6wks before I had a heart problem. I didn't take any med's to correct it, as there were none available My Grandmother prayed, my Grandfather prayed, my parent's prayed and my best friend prayed that He would fix my heart. I didn't change my lifestyle any. The only thing that changed was that I was off the meds for my cold. Did my heart correct itself once I was off the meds? Or was it all the prayer? I don't know.. I'll never know.. but.. whatever it was.. it worked and I'm very thankful.

Now that that is over with and this (horrible) semester is almost done, I'm hoping to have more time.. and more desire.. to post more. I can't promise it will be weekly, but I will try. I hope everyone has had a great year so far!! :)

Checking Out

The Recruiter let me sleep in until 9:30 and when he woke me up, he had already ordered my bagel. I slipped into the shower with a smile thinking how nice it was that he had paid attention and new what I'd want to eat. I showered quickly and gathered my things so that we could head out as soon as I finished eating. I was definately ready to get out of that hotel and out of town. While most people think Miami is a really great place to go, and I would agree if you are the type who loves to drink and party, but I'm not to it isn't for me. Getting back into my own bed, my own place with my own space sounded wonderful and I couldn't wait.

The drive home was very similar to the drive down. He was constantly taking the wrong exits, getting pissy because I'd ask to stop for a cigarette and something to drink, or just being pissy in general because he couldn't find his way out of a damn paper bag. Arguments ensued and in the beginning, I tried to keep my patients. By the time we were about 45 minutes from my house, I had had enough and the bitchy comments came.

"Why are you being so damn bitchy?! We'll get there, just chill! Geez.. It isn't that difficult to drive in a straight line..." I replied after his 3rd comment about driving.

"Why don't you just shut the fuck up! You are such a bitch sometimes! If someone isn't as good as you are.. you think they're fucking worthless?"

Umm.. hu? Where the fuck did that come from?????????? I never said he was worthless, and I wasn't the one being all pissy, he was! Yes, I probably should have left off that last little remark about driving in a straight line, but seriously!! He was really on my last nerve! He wouldn't listen to me when I'd tell him which exit he needed, nor would he listen to me when I'd tried to tell him that the direction he was going was wrong when trying to get back on the highway after exiting. And to top it off.. I was being NICE about trying to tell him which way to go! I wasn't being rude or saying 'hey dumbass.. that's the wrong way'. I'd say something like, 'Umm.. I think we need to go that way, not this way. I think that's going to take us back to Miami."

The last 45 min felt like they took days. I sat in silence and watched the world go by. I was now back in my familiar town and really debated having him stop and let me out. I would just call my parents to come pick me up. I must have dozed off for a few minutes because I woke up to him swearing and asking me which exit he needed to get to my place. I was elated that we were so close. My parent's house was closer to the exit than mine was so I told him to just drop me off there.

10 minutes later he was pulling into their drive and I couldn't get out of the car fast enough. He got out as well and helped me get my luggage, which was a nice gesture... I guess. I grabbed my things, thanked him for helping and went to walk away. He stopped me and began to hug me. I half-heartedly hugged him back and pulled away just as he tried to lean in for a kiss.

"What's wrong?" he asked, still not letting me go completely.

"Umm.. nothing. I'm just tired I guess. You have some more driving to do, guess you should get on the road...." He still wouldn't let go of me completely, but I pulled back as far as I could. My bag slipped from my shoulder which gave me an excuse for him to let go of me.

"Yea.. I guess I should. I'll call you later"

"Yea, O.k. Have a safe drive." I said as I fumbled with the luggage. I wouldn't meet his eye and he finally realized I wasn't going to kiss him. When I saw that he was making his way back to the drivers side of the car, I grabbed my things and made my way into the house. I felt a little bad... sort of. But I really just couldn't get past his behavior while driving and his rude comments. You just can't call me a bitch and 30 min later expect me to suck face with you.

My mom was home and greeted me as soon as I opened the door. The look on my face showed that I hadn't enjoyed the drive and she asked what happened. I gave her a quick summarized rundown of the events and she just shook her head.

"J, not everyone is good with directions, cut him some slack. But that still doesn't excuse his behavior."

"I know Mom."

"So other than that.. did you have a nice trip?"

I just stared at her. What could I say? No Mom, the sex was kinda shitty.. he's selfish in bed, he's a 2 pump-chump? He's cheap and a germaphobe? Yea.. that wouldn't go over well at all.

"Not really. He worked almost the whole time, which he kinda warned me about, but he didn't say that he'd only want to sit in the hotel all night when he got back. The first few nights he wouldn't even offer to pay for dinner or anything. Not that I expected him to completely.. but an offer would have been nice. We argued most of the time because I didn't want to be stuck in the room all day and night. I really shouldn't have gone."

"I'm sorry you didn't have a good time. What's going to happen now? Are you going to keep seeing him?"

I thought about her question. It was the same question I had been asking myself since him and I drove down to Miami and more so after I learned of his issues, how he lashes out when he's angry, and how cheap he was.

As I plopped down on the couch I knew what I was going to do.

"No, Mom, I'm not. It was over when we checked out this morning. I just have to tell him that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't hear from him that evening, which was fine with me. I just wanted to relax and be by myself. The next evening he called and I seriously debated answer the phone. But I knew I had to have this conversation, and the sooner the better.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe, what's up? How are you?" I could tell he was on his cell and was out somewhere. Sounded like a bar or something, but I wasn't sure nor did I care.

"I'm fine, thanks. How are you? Did you get home O.K. yesterday?"

"Yea, got home around 6:30" (Which is funny since we got to my parent's place a little after 3 and it's only 2 hrs from Tampa where he lived.. guess someone got lost again?!?Hmm??)

"Oh.. O.K. that's good. Listen, we need to talk"

"What? I'm sorry I can't hear you very well. It's really loud in here. Can I call you back later tonight? I was calling to see if you wanted to get together for dinner next week, I'll be back in Orlando"

(Couldn't he just have gone outside to call me? Or call before he got to where ever he was? Yea.. nice gesture...)

"Actually... No. You don't have to call me later. I just wanted to say, thanks for asking me to join you last week but I don't think it's going to work out. We're just not a good match but I wish you the best." I half yelled into the phone hoping he'd hear it.

The phone was silent. At first I thought he had hung up or we had been disconnected. But he finally said something.

"What!!? What do you mean!? I thought we had a great time last week!?" Guess he had walked away somewhere that was quiet and could hear me just fine now. Apparently being a germaphobe was just 1 of his problems.. might add delusional to that too.

"Come on. You can't honestly say this was a great week for you, can you? We fought almost daily. Not to mention the lovely car ride down and back. I'm sorry, but this is just how I feel. Again, thank you for inviting me."

"This is about the sex, isn't it!? All because I won't go down on you?? Really? You'd break it off for something stupid like that? You really do hate people who are different! You can't stand anyone who doesn't live up to your expectations!" He was definately getting angry now and though that wasn't what I wanted, it did make it easier.

"I'm not going to sit on the phone with you while you throw insults my way. Have a nice life" And I hung up. Of course, that didn't stop him from calling back a few more times and trying to get me to talk to him on Yahoo! chat. But I blocked him, ignored his calls and went about my life as if it.. and he.. never happened.

A happy Couple

I walked over to The Recruiter and stood in front of him. He finally looked up at me and met my eyes, as I waited to decide what to do. I decided to let him make the 1st move, whatever move that he would be comfortable with. He slid his arms around my waist and rested his head on my chest. I returned the embrace but was careful not to go any further.

A few minutes later he pulled back and looked up at me. I couldn't tell what was behind his eyes. He still looked a little embarressed and sad, yet relieved.

"You're the first person I've ever actually told."

"I'm glad you told me. It has answered a lot of my questions", I didn't know what else to say. I know what I was thinking.. but it wouldn't help the situation any.

"You still want to go eat?" I asked as he grabbed both of my hands in his.

"Sure.. what do you have in mind?"

We decided to try out a cafe on the water and headed out. Dinner was... strained in some ways, while it flowed in others. In between some awkward silences, the conversation was pleasant and we had an enjoyable dinner overlooking the water. He would often grab my hand across the table, or roll his chair to sit closer to me so we both could stare out into the dark seas.

The check came and he paid (for both of us mind you). We made our way back to the car with no conversation of where to go next. It was evident we were just going to go back to the room and be settled in for the night. We snuggled on the couch together to watch a movie on T.V. which eventually turned into us having sex. The sex seemed different. It wasn't just the different positions we were having since we were still on the couch, though I have to admit, those were great. But, it was something different... something more. I wasn't just two people having sex. I could almost feel the passion pouring out of him. I wouldn't say 'we made love' for a few reasons. 1) I think it sounds corny.. 2) I didn't love him. But what I was feeling from him fit as close to that as I can imagine.

I did go down on him. I figured, why make myself suffer? I love giving head and I know he loves receiving... so who cares if he wouldn't kiss me afterwards? I sure didn't!

Shortly after, we climbed into bed and he dozed off quickly. I must have dozed off for a time as well because when I woke it was almost 3am. I grabbed the comforter, my cigarettes and my cell phone and went out onto the balcony. I didn't have anyone to call, but it felt comforting to have it with me. The air had become chilly, there was a storm coming in (gotta love Hurricane season in Florida) and the comforter worked great as I was only in a long t-shirt and underware.

Tucking the comforter around me, I sat on the floor, rested against the railing and lit a cigarette. Why is it that you can think clearer after just 1 drag from a smoke? I knew what I wanted to do, knew how I was going to handle this relationship. Yes, he had a few issues and we had a few arguements, but he really was a nice guy. Once we ironed out the problems, I was happy. After all, communication is key, right?

I don't know how long I was out there, and was startled when I heard the sliding of the door. I jerked my head over and there he stood. Sleepy-eyed in just a pair of boxers. He did look good naked, (or mostly naked) I'd give him that.

"What are ya doin' out here? Everything O.K.?"

I nodded and smiled, "Yea, everything's fine. Just couldn't sleep. What time is it?"

"Almost 5am. You gonna stay out here long?"

I snubbed out my cigarette and began to stand, "No, I'm coming in now".

He helped me the rest of the way up and we went back inside.

"Do you have to go into work today? I mean, I know we're checking out later, I just didn't know if you had to work before we left."

"No.... I finished everything yesterday. You wanna go back to bed for a little bit?"

There was a sly smile forming on his lips and by the bulge showing through his boxers, I knew what he was asking. I set my things down on the table and walked to the bed, glancing back at him while I climbed in. He joined me seconds later and we had a nice long (well.. over 20 minutes so it was long for him) 2nd round of the night.

Both of us fell asleep soon after snuggled up together. If someone had been looking in, they would believe we were a happy, satisfied couple.

A little off topic....

Well, I was feeling a little better last night and had decided to write a post today. It was going to relate to the other posts, but then, before I got a chance to write anything, my Dr's office called to check on me to see how I was feeling.

When I told the nurse that even though I have been off the latest antibiotics for 3 days now, I'm still not feeling better which is surprising because normally within a few days of taking antibiotics I'm usually back to my old self and don't really need the remainder. She put me on hold while she spoke to the Dr. and came back to say he wanted to see me in an hour to 'rule out anything else'.

I changed out of my warm PJ's and headed over. Even though she told me that they were going to fit me in, in between his other appointments, I had hoped I wouldn't have to wait very long. I sat in the waiting room for another hour, as there were 4 other people ahead of me that actually HAD appointments.

I was finally called back and the nurse did the normal stuff. Blood pressure (was good), weight (lost 4 lbs in 10 days.. idk if that's good or not lol) and temp (had a low grade fever. My normal body temp is lower than average.. it's usually 97.6, temp today was 99.8. So for a regular person, that would be 100.8 so it wasn't real bad compared to 10 days ago). Anyhow!

Finally got back into the room, Doc came in, asked if I was pregnant, I answered with "OMG! I hope to God not!!" he laughed.. but asked again. I said no (and crossed my fingers that that was true) and he sent me for a few lung xrays. 3 xrays later I was back in the room waiting for him.

He came in shortly after to tell me that my lungs look excellent. I inquired if there were ANY dark spots on my lungs, he said no and asked why. I told him I was a smoker (still) and he looked shocked. Said he couldn't tell by my xrays, said he even compared them to the xrays from 2004 and 2001 and that there's no signs of 'smokers lungs'. I was elated from that news. However, my excitement didn't last long.

He wanted to listen to my lungs again just to make sure they sounded O.K. and in the process, listen to my heart as well. Lungs sounded good, so my Bronchitis is pretty much gone, with just a little still lingering.

However, in the mists of listening to my heart, he got all excited.
Dr: "Wow! This is incredible! Mary (the nurse) you want to hear this?"
Mary: "Sure?! What am I supposed to be listening to?"
Dr: (to Mary) She has a Mitral Valve Prolapse.
Dr: (to me) In all the years I've been practicing medicine, I've never heard it so loud and clear before!

I just sat still in a daze while the nurse took her turn listening to my heart.

Mary: (to Dr) Wow! You really can hear it! Thump, thump, click.. thump, thump, click.
Dr: (to me) I've never heard this before today. You've never had heart problems, have you? Mary, check her chart.

She handed the stethascope back to the Dr. and he took a seat, rolling up close to me while she thumbed through the pages of my medical history.

Mary: (to Dr) No. There's no record of it in here.
Dr: I didn't think so.. I would have remembered this. (to me) You've been coming to me since you were what.. 7? And you've never had any heart issues?

Me: Yea, I was 7 and no, I never have.

I just sat there and stared at him.

Me: So.. um... what does this mean?
Dr: Well, it means that your left valve is not closing properly when releasing the blood out of your heart and blood is being pooled back in.

I just sat there and stared at him some more. I didn't know what to say or what to ask, there were so many things bouncing around in my head.

Me: Umm.. O.K. So.. now what?
Dr: Well, I want to keep an eye on this. There's really no course of treatment pill wise and until it progresses to a dangerous level, there's nothing to do. Once it does progress, you'll have to have surgery and either have the valve completely replaced or a shunt-type device will be inserted. I want to see you back in 6 wks for a recheck.

Me: What caused this? Can you tell?
Dr: At this time, I can't be sure. It could be the med's you're on for your Thyroid as a side effect. It could be the med's you were on for this cold that weakened the valve, it could be because heart problems run in your family. There's a lot of factors.

Me: Can it be reversed? I mean, if I went off my Thyroid meds, would it reverese this problem? If I started back working out, would that help? Is there anything I can do to fix this without surgery?
Dr: The damamge is done, from what, I cannot say. Yes, working out will strengthen your heart, however, over excerising can also damage it more. Take it easy for now. If you really want to excerise, I suggest something easy like walking. Don't go getting a gym membership and running on tread mills right now.

I couldn't think of anything else to ask at the moment and he sat there waiting patiently. When I looked up at him, I just shrugged as if to say; "well.. that's it then".

He gave me a hug, told me to get my script filled for some steriods and if I had any other questions, call or come in and if these steroids don't help my cold any, to come back in 10 days.

He walked to the door, opened it, looked back at me with a sympathetic smile and walked away. The nurse stayed with me for a few minutes asking if I needed anything or if I wanted her to wait with me. I declined her offer, grabbed my purse and left.

My mom had riden with me to my appointment and while I had thought about not telling her what he said because I didn't want to hear "See! You need to quit smoking now!". A lecture was the last thing I needed to hear. However, as soon as I saw her, I knew I couldn't NOT tell her. What if something happened? What if I had a heart attack tomorrow and I didn't tell her and it was information the EMTs needed to know? I told her as we stood face to face in the lobby. She hugged me and was quiet. But only for a few minutes lol.

"You know... you really should stop smoking..." (you know mom's can NOT stop to lecture sometimes lol)

Before she even finished her sentence, I glared at her and not so nicely told her a lecture on smokinng was the last thing I needed at the moment. She nodded in agreement and hugged me again..

On the way to the car, she asked me the same questions I had asked the Dr. I tried to answer her questions as best as I could.

"J, you'll get through this. We'll ALL get you through this. Trust me, I know, it's scary and you have so many questions. We're here for you for anything."

Her words made me tear up. It made me think back to a few years ago. It was her going through this. Though, instead of a Mitral Valve Prolapse, she had a full on heart attack with no warning. Her blood pressure was fine, she had no plaque build up, there were none of the traditional signs. However, she's a diabetic and her glucose levels were high and it made her artery completely collapse without warning stopping all blood flow to the bottom of her heart.

I knew then, if my mom can beat a heart attack, I can beat this too.

So Sorry!!

Hello everyone! I hope your Holiday was great and had a safe New Years.

I want to apologize for my lack of posts for pretty much the month of December. We had a death in the family and blogging took a backseat to everything else. I also spent most of Dec. in Alabama (unexpectedly) and as you know from previous posts, I have no internet there unless I find a hot spot somewhere, which is easier said than done.

Within 24 hours of coming home I got a bad headcold that eventually turned into Bronchitis, a double ear infection, sinusitis and tonsilitis with a temp running about 102 degrees. (I pretty much got every 'itis' there is!!) Many Dr's visits and many different kinds of antibiotics later, I'm still not well. I ended up having to go get a few breathing treatments a couple of times... you never know how very important breathing is until you can't do it! LOL So, now I've got my inhaler, some new meds and some hope that I'll be over this very soon!

I promise I'll get back to posting when I am feeling better. I hope you all forgive me for such a long break without any forewarning.

Happy New Year!! :)