A happy Couple

I walked over to The Recruiter and stood in front of him. He finally looked up at me and met my eyes, as I waited to decide what to do. I decided to let him make the 1st move, whatever move that he would be comfortable with. He slid his arms around my waist and rested his head on my chest. I returned the embrace but was careful not to go any further.

A few minutes later he pulled back and looked up at me. I couldn't tell what was behind his eyes. He still looked a little embarressed and sad, yet relieved.

"You're the first person I've ever actually told."

"I'm glad you told me. It has answered a lot of my questions", I didn't know what else to say. I know what I was thinking.. but it wouldn't help the situation any.

"You still want to go eat?" I asked as he grabbed both of my hands in his.

"Sure.. what do you have in mind?"

We decided to try out a cafe on the water and headed out. Dinner was... strained in some ways, while it flowed in others. In between some awkward silences, the conversation was pleasant and we had an enjoyable dinner overlooking the water. He would often grab my hand across the table, or roll his chair to sit closer to me so we both could stare out into the dark seas.

The check came and he paid (for both of us mind you). We made our way back to the car with no conversation of where to go next. It was evident we were just going to go back to the room and be settled in for the night. We snuggled on the couch together to watch a movie on T.V. which eventually turned into us having sex. The sex seemed different. It wasn't just the different positions we were having since we were still on the couch, though I have to admit, those were great. But, it was something different... something more. I wasn't just two people having sex. I could almost feel the passion pouring out of him. I wouldn't say 'we made love' for a few reasons. 1) I think it sounds corny.. 2) I didn't love him. But what I was feeling from him fit as close to that as I can imagine.

I did go down on him. I figured, why make myself suffer? I love giving head and I know he loves receiving... so who cares if he wouldn't kiss me afterwards? I sure didn't!

Shortly after, we climbed into bed and he dozed off quickly. I must have dozed off for a time as well because when I woke it was almost 3am. I grabbed the comforter, my cigarettes and my cell phone and went out onto the balcony. I didn't have anyone to call, but it felt comforting to have it with me. The air had become chilly, there was a storm coming in (gotta love Hurricane season in Florida) and the comforter worked great as I was only in a long t-shirt and underware.

Tucking the comforter around me, I sat on the floor, rested against the railing and lit a cigarette. Why is it that you can think clearer after just 1 drag from a smoke? I knew what I wanted to do, knew how I was going to handle this relationship. Yes, he had a few issues and we had a few arguements, but he really was a nice guy. Once we ironed out the problems, I was happy. After all, communication is key, right?

I don't know how long I was out there, and was startled when I heard the sliding of the door. I jerked my head over and there he stood. Sleepy-eyed in just a pair of boxers. He did look good naked, (or mostly naked) I'd give him that.

"What are ya doin' out here? Everything O.K.?"

I nodded and smiled, "Yea, everything's fine. Just couldn't sleep. What time is it?"

"Almost 5am. You gonna stay out here long?"

I snubbed out my cigarette and began to stand, "No, I'm coming in now".

He helped me the rest of the way up and we went back inside.

"Do you have to go into work today? I mean, I know we're checking out later, I just didn't know if you had to work before we left."

"No.... I finished everything yesterday. You wanna go back to bed for a little bit?"

There was a sly smile forming on his lips and by the bulge showing through his boxers, I knew what he was asking. I set my things down on the table and walked to the bed, glancing back at him while I climbed in. He joined me seconds later and we had a nice long (well.. over 20 minutes so it was long for him) 2nd round of the night.

Both of us fell asleep soon after snuggled up together. If someone had been looking in, they would believe we were a happy, satisfied couple.

A little off topic....

Well, I was feeling a little better last night and had decided to write a post today. It was going to relate to the other posts, but then, before I got a chance to write anything, my Dr's office called to check on me to see how I was feeling.

When I told the nurse that even though I have been off the latest antibiotics for 3 days now, I'm still not feeling better which is surprising because normally within a few days of taking antibiotics I'm usually back to my old self and don't really need the remainder. She put me on hold while she spoke to the Dr. and came back to say he wanted to see me in an hour to 'rule out anything else'.

I changed out of my warm PJ's and headed over. Even though she told me that they were going to fit me in, in between his other appointments, I had hoped I wouldn't have to wait very long. I sat in the waiting room for another hour, as there were 4 other people ahead of me that actually HAD appointments.

I was finally called back and the nurse did the normal stuff. Blood pressure (was good), weight (lost 4 lbs in 10 days.. idk if that's good or not lol) and temp (had a low grade fever. My normal body temp is lower than average.. it's usually 97.6, temp today was 99.8. So for a regular person, that would be 100.8 so it wasn't real bad compared to 10 days ago). Anyhow!

Finally got back into the room, Doc came in, asked if I was pregnant, I answered with "OMG! I hope to God not!!" he laughed.. but asked again. I said no (and crossed my fingers that that was true) and he sent me for a few lung xrays. 3 xrays later I was back in the room waiting for him.

He came in shortly after to tell me that my lungs look excellent. I inquired if there were ANY dark spots on my lungs, he said no and asked why. I told him I was a smoker (still) and he looked shocked. Said he couldn't tell by my xrays, said he even compared them to the xrays from 2004 and 2001 and that there's no signs of 'smokers lungs'. I was elated from that news. However, my excitement didn't last long.

He wanted to listen to my lungs again just to make sure they sounded O.K. and in the process, listen to my heart as well. Lungs sounded good, so my Bronchitis is pretty much gone, with just a little still lingering.

However, in the mists of listening to my heart, he got all excited.
Dr: "Wow! This is incredible! Mary (the nurse) you want to hear this?"
Mary: "Sure?! What am I supposed to be listening to?"
Dr: (to Mary) She has a Mitral Valve Prolapse.
Dr: (to me) In all the years I've been practicing medicine, I've never heard it so loud and clear before!

I just sat still in a daze while the nurse took her turn listening to my heart.

Mary: (to Dr) Wow! You really can hear it! Thump, thump, click.. thump, thump, click.
Dr: (to me) I've never heard this before today. You've never had heart problems, have you? Mary, check her chart.

She handed the stethascope back to the Dr. and he took a seat, rolling up close to me while she thumbed through the pages of my medical history.

Mary: (to Dr) No. There's no record of it in here.
Dr: I didn't think so.. I would have remembered this. (to me) You've been coming to me since you were what.. 7? And you've never had any heart issues?

Me: Yea, I was 7 and no, I never have.

I just sat there and stared at him.

Me: So.. um... what does this mean?
Dr: Well, it means that your left valve is not closing properly when releasing the blood out of your heart and blood is being pooled back in.

I just sat there and stared at him some more. I didn't know what to say or what to ask, there were so many things bouncing around in my head.

Me: Umm.. O.K. So.. now what?
Dr: Well, I want to keep an eye on this. There's really no course of treatment pill wise and until it progresses to a dangerous level, there's nothing to do. Once it does progress, you'll have to have surgery and either have the valve completely replaced or a shunt-type device will be inserted. I want to see you back in 6 wks for a recheck.

Me: What caused this? Can you tell?
Dr: At this time, I can't be sure. It could be the med's you're on for your Thyroid as a side effect. It could be the med's you were on for this cold that weakened the valve, it could be because heart problems run in your family. There's a lot of factors.

Me: Can it be reversed? I mean, if I went off my Thyroid meds, would it reverese this problem? If I started back working out, would that help? Is there anything I can do to fix this without surgery?
Dr: The damamge is done, from what, I cannot say. Yes, working out will strengthen your heart, however, over excerising can also damage it more. Take it easy for now. If you really want to excerise, I suggest something easy like walking. Don't go getting a gym membership and running on tread mills right now.

I couldn't think of anything else to ask at the moment and he sat there waiting patiently. When I looked up at him, I just shrugged as if to say; "well.. that's it then".

He gave me a hug, told me to get my script filled for some steriods and if I had any other questions, call or come in and if these steroids don't help my cold any, to come back in 10 days.

He walked to the door, opened it, looked back at me with a sympathetic smile and walked away. The nurse stayed with me for a few minutes asking if I needed anything or if I wanted her to wait with me. I declined her offer, grabbed my purse and left.

My mom had riden with me to my appointment and while I had thought about not telling her what he said because I didn't want to hear "See! You need to quit smoking now!". A lecture was the last thing I needed to hear. However, as soon as I saw her, I knew I couldn't NOT tell her. What if something happened? What if I had a heart attack tomorrow and I didn't tell her and it was information the EMTs needed to know? I told her as we stood face to face in the lobby. She hugged me and was quiet. But only for a few minutes lol.

"You know... you really should stop smoking..." (you know mom's can NOT stop to lecture sometimes lol)

Before she even finished her sentence, I glared at her and not so nicely told her a lecture on smokinng was the last thing I needed at the moment. She nodded in agreement and hugged me again..

On the way to the car, she asked me the same questions I had asked the Dr. I tried to answer her questions as best as I could.

"J, you'll get through this. We'll ALL get you through this. Trust me, I know, it's scary and you have so many questions. We're here for you for anything."

Her words made me tear up. It made me think back to a few years ago. It was her going through this. Though, instead of a Mitral Valve Prolapse, she had a full on heart attack with no warning. Her blood pressure was fine, she had no plaque build up, there were none of the traditional signs. However, she's a diabetic and her glucose levels were high and it made her artery completely collapse without warning stopping all blood flow to the bottom of her heart.

I knew then, if my mom can beat a heart attack, I can beat this too.

So Sorry!!

Hello everyone! I hope your Holiday was great and had a safe New Years.

I want to apologize for my lack of posts for pretty much the month of December. We had a death in the family and blogging took a backseat to everything else. I also spent most of Dec. in Alabama (unexpectedly) and as you know from previous posts, I have no internet there unless I find a hot spot somewhere, which is easier said than done.

Within 24 hours of coming home I got a bad headcold that eventually turned into Bronchitis, a double ear infection, sinusitis and tonsilitis with a temp running about 102 degrees. (I pretty much got every 'itis' there is!!) Many Dr's visits and many different kinds of antibiotics later, I'm still not well. I ended up having to go get a few breathing treatments a couple of times... you never know how very important breathing is until you can't do it! LOL So, now I've got my inhaler, some new meds and some hope that I'll be over this very soon!

I promise I'll get back to posting when I am feeling better. I hope you all forgive me for such a long break without any forewarning.

Happy New Year!! :)

What's your deal?

A (too) soon 20 minutes later we were laying in the afterglow of our horizontal romp. As he laid watching T.V. with the attitude that he was proud of what he did, I couldn't help but STILL wonder why he wouldn't go down on me. I was really starting to take offense.. Did I smell bad or something?? On top of that, the questions of so many showers in 1 day started to really eat at me.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" I sat up but looked away from him

"Sure, what?" He never took his eyes off the T.V.

"You never did really answer me when I asked why you'd never go down"

"Yes, I did"

"No. You didn't. You said you were told growing up that oral was bad. That's all you said. You can't STILL possibly believe that.. do you? ESPECIALLY if I, or anyone else, goes down on you"

"That's different"

"How so?" By this time, I was shocked. Was this for real? Was HE for real?

"Well.. you tongue doesn't touch what guys tongues do" And he still wouldn't look at me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I looked him straight in the face.

I saw his eyes dart in my direction, but his head never turned, "You know. Your tongue doesn't actually go IN anything."

I still couldn't fully grasp what he was saying. "Are you saying you're grossed out by that? 'Cus that's what it sounds like!"

I got another eye dart, but no turn of the head and no answer. I waited (im)patiently for him to answer, but he never did. I got up, grabbed my cigarettes and walked out onto the balcony. While I smoked my cigarette, realizing it did more for me than his sex did, I wondered how I managed to always find the weird ones. There was something always wrong with the guys I dated and started to think maybe it was ME. I must have some sign on my forehead that says "Got a phobia? Date me!"

I finished my cigarette and reluctantly walked back in the room. He was still staring at the T.V., but I got the impression he wasn't really watching it. I plopped back down on the bed with an obvious sigh. Yes, it may have been childish and passive-aggressive, but I wanted him to know that he was irritating me without having to actually TELL him he was.

A few minutes past and he cleared his throat like he was going to say something, but never did. Finally, I broke the silence.

"What's your deal?"

"What do you mean..'whats my deal'?"

"Exactly what I said. What's your deal? You won't go down on me, when I ask about it, you give me some lame ass excuse. But you expect me to do it. Then you say some cryptic shit like I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck you're talking about. You've been taking 2 showers a day... WHAT! IS! YOUR! DEAALLLLL?? Did you get it that time??" O.K., I know I was being a bitch and at the end talked to him like he was some retard, but come on!! He knew damn well what the fuck I was talking about!

he laid there motionless for longer than I wanted. "Never mind! It's obvious you aren't going to talk!" I grabbed my cell phone and headed back onto the balcony. Before I had the door all the way open, he finally spoke.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me" I said as I turned back to face him and again silence. I got impatient, well more impatient and started back out.

"Wait." Long pause. "Fine, I'll tell you."

I grabbed the chair that was closest to me and sat down facing him and waited. He got up off the bed and went to his suitcase. My first thought was.. 'Jesus! I hope he isn't going to go all psycho on me and kill me or something!!' But he didn't. He pulled out hand sanitizer, flip flops, a wash cloth, soap and some wet naps. O.K... is he like some broke ass MacGyver or something??? Of course, I didn't ask that, I just sat there quietly.

"You see all of this?"

Well, DUH I'm not blind, jackass! "Yes!?"

"Well, hmmm. How do I put this. I have an issue with being clean. I can't stand to sweat. Every time I shake hands with someone I immediately have to wash my hands or use this, " he holds up the hand sanitizer, "and I can't even take a shower anywhere except at my own house without wearing these." He then holds up the flip flops.

Hmm.. O.K. So the guy is a neat freak? A germaphobe? What?

"O.K. So.. what does that mean exactly?"

"Means.. I find going down on ANYONE gross. Do you even know how unsanitary doing that is?"

Seriously?? Wooowww... Did he just insult me?

I shrugged. "Then how is it you're O.K. with me or anyone else going down on you? AND you kiss me afterwards? What's up with THAT? Do YOU know how unsanitary THAT is?"

"I try to not let it affect me, but it does anyway. Didn't you wonder why I didn't protest when you haven't been going down on me?"

"Oh, I thought you were just.. I don't know.. Too heated up to even care."

"No. It's because I was releaved that I wouldn't have to kiss you and think about my dirty dick that was just in your mouth."

"So.. taking all those showers then.. it wasn't because you've been fooling around with someone while you were gone during the day and trying to get rid of the evidence?"

He laughed. A hardy, full belly laugh. "What? Seriously? That's what you thought?"

"What did you expect me to think? All the signs were there!"

He finally sat on the bed looking a little defeated and a little releaved. I just sat there. I didn't know if I should walk to him or stay where I was. To add to more things that I was alreading wondering about, now I had to wonder if every time he touched me, kissed me or had sex with me.. was he thinking about how 'dirty' and 'germy' I was and how he couldn't wait to go wash up??

Day 3

Again, the alarm clocks woke me up at 4:30am. This shit was getting old. REAL old. I'm not a morning person to begin with and hearing 4 alarms going off really didn't help my attitude much. I nudged him a few times with my foot until he finally woke enough to turn them off. I rolled back over, glad for the silence and went back to sleep. It was 10:30 when I finally woke up for the day. As per my daily ritual since we'd been there, I called room service for a bagel and juice while smoking my first cigarette for the day.

It was another warm day, with another wonderful breeze coming off the ocean. I grabbed my cell phone to check to see if I had any messages and I did.

"Looks like we might get done earlier today. Keep you posted. Hope you have a great day."

I smiled as I set my phone back down and went to answer the door for room service. Deciding to eat my breakfast on the balcony, I moved back outside dragging the desk chair with me. My mom called and we chatted while I ate breakfast. I told her some of what had been going on, obviously leaving the lack of oral and semi-good sex we were having. I did tell her about the fight and how we made up, but it still didn't stop from offering to come down and get me. I smiled as I thought about how she still worried about me and it felt good. I politely declined her offer and told her I would keep her posted. We were supposed to be leaving the next day anyway, so no matter what happened.. or DIDN'T happen, I could stick it out for 1 more day. She she was working, I let her go with promises to call her the next day or earlier if need be.

The remainder of the day while I waited for The Army Recruiter to return I did some more reading, took a shower, shaved all the right spots hoping THAT would entice him a little. Just as I was exiting the shower I heard my cell phone go off alerting me of a text. I hurried over and saw it was another text from him:

"Leaving now. Be there in a few"

True to his word, he arrived within 10 minutes. He didn't seem as tired as he had, but we decided 2:30 was still a little early for dinner. He showered and we nuzzled together on the bed to watch some T.V. Laying there, somewhat bored, my mind began to wonder. This guy really takes a lot of damn showers. I mean.. he took 1 before he left this morning, and all he did was sit around in meetings talking to people, but had to take another shower when he came back?? I just found it weird.. I mean, I got washing your hands often because of all the hands you shake, but still.. a whole full shower!?? Just strange.

As we laid there we started to kiss and touch. I undressed completely and we got under the sheets. His hand crept down further and further and found my clit. His hand felt like a feather lightly flicking in all the right spots. His mouth found my nipple and he began to lightly bite. My back arched and a chill ran up my spine. My hands groped for him under the sheet. I found his already hard dick and slowly stroked it. It took everything in my to not slide my mouth down on it, but I was sticking to my decision. If he wasn't going to do it, neither was I!

Day 2

I was awaken by the alarm clocks again the following morning around 4:30. I nudged The Army Recruiter a few times until he finally shut the irritating noises off and went to get a shower. As I laid there hearing the water running, I thought about our encounter the night before. Yea, the sex was much better than it had been in the past, but I still couldn't figure out why he wouldn't go down. I decided I'd try to bring it up in a casual setting, maybe at dinner tonight.

A few minutes later he emerged from the bathroom and I watched him put on his uniform. I don't know what it is about a man in uniform, but it's a huge turn on. Knowing he didn't have time for a quicky, I supressed my urge to tackle him.

"What time do you think you'll be done today?"

"I don't know, J. But I'm hoping early. Maybe we can actually make it to the beach tonight" He responded with a chuckle.

I was glad he was able to make fun of the situation now, instead of being all pissy like he was last night. I guess the conversation (and probably sex) did help.

"Well, just keep me updated as much as you can, please."

He nodded in agreement and kissed me goodbye. I dozed back off for another 6 hours and when my bladder screamed at me around 11am, I decided I should get up. I checked my phone to see if I had any messages and to my surprise I did.

"Running late again. Maybe 4 like yesterday. Will call when I can"

I was disappointed that it was going to be another long day but at least I knew. Another surprise came when I went to order breakfast. There was a $10 bill sitting by the phone with a note, "Sorry, its all the cash I had". I smiled to myself as I ordered my bagel and juice, I guess he felt bad after what I said last night.

By 4pm, I was showered, dressed and ready to go. My phone rang shortly after with him telling me he was on his way.

"Are you coming up to change?"

"Yea, but it will only take me a minute. Are you ready to go too?"

"Yep, ready when you are. I'll see you in a few" I hung up the phone wondering how such a simple conversation (or was it the fight??) had made him change so much. I'm not saying he was all to blame, cus I can be a real bitch.. but usually only when I'm provoked.

I heard his key card deactivating the door and went to meet him. I could tell he was tired, sitting in meetings all day, trying to talk people into signing their life away to the Army was probably boring and a little stressful. Dealing with the public is ALWAYS stressful. I gave him a hug and a kiss as a welcome back, he returned the gesture and sighed.

"Do you just want to stay in for dinner tonight? I really don't mind. Maybe after dinner we could go to the beach."

"No, I told you I'd take you out."

"Really! I don't mind! If you'd rather just eat here and relax for a bit then we can go down to the beach. How about that?"

"Yea, that's fine. If you don't mind"

I really honestly didn't mind. I guess the conversation/fight did me some good too. We agreed on ordering some pizza and while we waited I decided to ask him.

"So... I was wondering.."

"Yea?" He glanced quickly from the T.V. to me and back again.

"Umm.. just wondering.. why don't you go down on me? Do I smell bad or something?" I half smiled to try to keep the mood light.

"What?!" That got his attention

"You just never go down on me.. so I was wondering why."

"Oh. Well.. I just don't do that. Never have"

WHAT?! Seriously? He couldn't be serious, right?

"Why not?"

He looked away from me, in a 'I don't feel comfortable talking about this' way and I didn't press him for eye contact.

"I don't know. I just don't like doing it. Plus, when I was younger my family would always say oral was wrong and dirty."

"Seriously?!? But it's O.K. for me to do it to you?"

He took a few minutes to answer me and by the time he started to, the delivery guy was knocking at the door. I was irritated at being interupted, but glad that food was there. The Army Recruiter went to answer as I asked him if he wanted me to pay for half. He declined my offer, answered the door, pay the delivery guy and walked back in. I waited to see if he was going to answer me then, but instead he changed the topic to other things.

For the remainder of the night, I couldn't help but dwell on it. Even as we drove around to find a parking spot, even as we walked hand and hand on the beach, I still thought about his reasons. To me, they sounded like bullshit and completely unfair. How hypocritical! So.. I decided.. if he wouldn't do it.. neither would I!

After a little over an hour of walking up and down the beaches of Miami, we made our way back to the room. I grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower. Our conversations had been pleasant all evening and I wasn't going to start another fight over this. I kept the atmosphere light and acted like everything was O.K. As we both got ready for bed and laid down, he made his move again. I let him touch me, kiss me and rub me in all the right spots. I reached down and stroked him, but my lips never wondered. 2 can play this game, I thought to myself. I could tell he was waiting for it to happen, I could tell he WANTED it to happen, but I stuck to my guns.

When he either realized it WASN'T going to happen, or was just so ready, he rolled over and I climbed on top. I did notice that by not giving him head or much stimulation before sex, he seemed to last longer. However, I enjoy giving head and I felt like something was missing since I didn't do it. I came easily (gotta love the thumb action when you're on top!) and he came soon after.

We curled up together and drifted off to sleep. I was waiting for him to say something about not receiving, but he didn't. Maybe he got the hint?

Making Up

Since I was able to get off my chest the things that had been bothering me this whole trip, I was feeling more relaxed. His hands and mouth were helping me with that, too. As his hands reached down to spread my legs, his kisses trailed around my neck and onto my chest. I laid back enjoying the treatment with anticipation of his kisses going all the way down. I reached further down in the bed and found him already hard as a rock. My hand slid slowing up and down stroking his shaft, not wanting to go very fast in case he was close to cumming.

He softly nibbled my neck, making my back arch. I was going to cum already and we had just started. I came once then twice. He was on a streak and I was loving it. I changed positions so that I could be at a better angle to go down on him. As we lay side by side in a 69 position, my body was aching to feel his tongue as I licked and sucked on him.

But it never happened. AGAIN!

He pulled away slightly and I knew he was close to cumming. I wrapped my finger and thumb around the bottom of the head and squeezed, using my other hand to lightly pull his balls away from his body hoping that would slow him down some. I was glad it worked and I lightly flicked my tongue on the tip as I waited for him to get a little soft. I felt him start to relax in my hand so I loosened my hold and began sucking and licking again. I was still waiting for his tongue to touch me.

He was getting close to cumming again and this time he pulled away and repositioned himself so that he could enter me. As I laid on my back in the middle of the bed, I couldn't help but wonder why he STILL hadn't gone down on me.

My thoughts were interupted by him taking charge. He pulled out, flipped me onto my stomach, pulled me up by my hips and quickly entered me again. He was doing all the right things, in the right position and at the right pace. He made me cum a few more times with the help of his hands and he came soon after. Thankfully, he didn't last a few seconds like before and we both laid there afterwards very happy.

I decided I'd wait to ask him about his lack of tongue action some other time. I was exhausted and ready to go to sleep.